The Truth About a
“Kinder, Gentle” Divorce Process
The mediation and
collaborative law processes are often touted as the way to get a divorce while
avoiding the typical horror stories we usually associate with getting divorced. I think these two avenues have great
potential to leave behind the acrimonious divorce, provided divorcing couples understand
who is really in charge when going through a divorce.
Whether it is
litigation, mediation or collaboration, parties to a divorce need to realize
from the beginning they are the ones in charge.
Regardless of which process a couple chooses, the process of divorce
itself will be as difficult or as easy as they choose to make it. In a Florida
divorce, you can litigate, mediate or collaborate: the choice is yours.
Divorce has often been
described as an emotionally traumatic event in someone’s life, equal to the
death of a loved one—and in a sense, it is.
We often don’t think clearly when we are dealing with strong emotions. It is understandable, then, why we can make
our own divorce a difficult one.
Those who truly want
to resolve their divorce in an amicable manner will do so regardless of whether
there is a framework allowing this. Even
in litigation, which I think of as the ultimate “hell” for a couple wishing to
end their marriage, settlement negotiations are possible; uncontested divorces
have always been available. Undoubtedly,
mediation and collaborative law may make the process of divorce easier from the
beginning stages of a divorce.
But, whether it’s
settlement before or in the middle of litigation, mediation or collaborative
law, the reality is that trust is an integral part of all three. But who or
what to trust? If a spouse cannot trust
the other enough to negotiate within any of the three frameworks, then
what? This is where a process or
framework is helpful, because then you can place your trust in the process
itself to try and help you reach a settlement, keeping in mind that you are the
one who has the ultimate power to decide during each stage of the process.
.
Your lawyer in any of
the three processes is a team player, keeping you informed as to the process
itself and the applicable law; and often providing you a valuable reality check. But you remain in charge. The truth is that if either you or your spouse
do not want to end it amicable, you won’t, regardless of the different avenues
available to you.
© 2010 Vivian C.
Rodriguez
Vivian C. Rodriguez is
a divorce and paternity attorney in Florida.
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