by Ian Oliver
1. By far the most important key to a successful divorce (and by that I mean one that minimizes an adversarial and nasty environment and one that protects the children as much as possible) is for both parties to maintain a compromising and flexible attitude with as little emotion and “cut your nose to spite your face” actions as possible! This may be so hard to do but it is essential. In the long run preserving a cordial and somewhat friendly relationship is dramatically more important than the few concessions it takes to maintain this.
2. Keep the big picture in mind and try not to sweat the small stuff. Don’t allow a fight to develop over silly stuff like who gets a piece of art or furniture. Again, the big things that matter are your sanity and your children if you have any. A divorce is already hard, but sweating the small stuff when there are bigger things to worry about only will prolong the pain ad inconvenience.
3. Cut as many of the chords to your ex as possible. Remember that you are divorcing this person and that means that you are divorcing this person!! Have as little direct contact as is possible. If no kids are involved, try to have essentially zero contact. If there are kids, try to have contact that is exclusively about your joint parenting and the logistics related to it. Nothing more. You don’t want to get sucked back in to feelings or irrational behavior.
4. Find an amazing lawyer that cares about you and your family. It is essential that you find a lawyer that doesn’t “pit” you against your ex. You need to find one that has your best interest in mind as well as resolving issues as soon as possible. A great lawyer can make all the difference in stress and moving on with your life.
5. Try very hard to recreate your life in as many aspects as possible including your daily routines of shopping, working out, where you get coffee, your leisure activities, your vacations, your hobbies and interests and gear them to meeting more single people and less married people and most importantly of all, keep a positive and upbeat attitude. There are so many silver linings to getting divorced and being single! It is an incredibly exciting new chapter of your life. Good luck!!!
ABOUT IAN OLIVER
Ian Oliver has advised and guided individuals and families with comprehensive relationship advice and is a blogger for Huffington Post Divorce.
His new bestselling book, Getting Back on Top, was inspired by the work with these couples as well as his own post-divorce journey.
In addition to his passion for and commitment to helping couples transition into the single life, Ian devotes a large amount of time to children-related philanthropy through organizations such as Promises2Kids, Voices for Children and the San Diego Children’s Museum among others.
100% profits from this book to these and other selected U.S. based children’s charities.
Ian lives in Manhattan Beach, California. When he’s not writing, advising, or spending time with his kids, you can find him in Bikram Yoga or on the beach or traveling.
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