Before you attempt a DIY divorce, it is a good idea to know what are some of the pitfalls you may face.

At the outset let me say that there are divorces in which  you can represent yourself.  As a lawyer, I think the “ideal” case where this may work is when the other side is also not representing themselves. That is, both parties are “pro se.”  And, frankly, the reason I think that is because where both parties don’t have  a lawyer. You will both be at an equal disadvantage over the other; so everyone is on the same plane, so to speak.

For some reason, people think that the court system will somehow be looking out for them.  It’s almost as if people think that “justice” and “fairness” will be their private jury, deciding things as they want them to be, as they see things.

So here are some things to keep in mind when going into a courtroom legally naked—without a lawyer—to DIY your divorce:

#1.  In a DIY Divorce, the Judge is Not YOUR Lawyer

This is probably the number one mistake that pro se litigants make. 

Judges are prohibited from providing legal advice to you or to anyone. They are there to make decisions based on the evidence you present to them.  At most, the only advice they may be able to give you at some point is “get a lawyer” or “maybe you should get a lawyer.”

The judge will make decisions based on evidence you and your spouse present to them.  When your case is completed, you will either think that the outcome was fair or not. This will depend on what you got in relation to what you wanted.  But I can almost guarantee that you will realize that the judge was not your attorney.

By the way, Judges are usually very courteous with parties representing themselves. But you should also show the same courtesy to them AND to your soon-to-be-ex spouse.

#2  Divorce Court is a System, Not Just a Physical Building

A lot goes on in divorce court.  Most people do not realize that a lot goes on in a divorce before you walk into court for a hearing. Prepare before walking into that hearing. Whatever preparation you needed to do to present evidence to the judge, should have already completed it. Sometimes, your preparation will be about what you will say, and how you will say it. is preparation to be done You should be prepared before walking into a hearing.

Besides the petition asking for the divorce, there are often other documents that should have been filed.  Where children are involved, this includes additional documents beyond just the petition.

This point is important to keep in mind as you read the next point.

#3  If Your Spouse Has an Attorney, You WILL Be at a Disadvantage

If the above two points don’t give you food for thought, this one might.

If your spouse has a lawyer, particularly a divorce lawyer, then chances are they will be well prepared for the case.  (I say chances are because who knows, you may get lucky and get a lawyer on the other side who may not be).

A prepared lawyer on the other side may do any or all of the following at a hearing:

• Provide a framework of the case to the judge using a brief opening statement. This framework will present their client (not you) in a most favorable light;
• Present evidence in an orderly manner;
• Present evidence that helps their client or discredits you;
• Have case or statutory law ready for the judge. Or, at least, be able to name the cases and/or statutes that are applicable; and
• Provide a brief closing statement. The closing statement will neatly summarize their case into an argument as to why the judge should rule for their client, given the evidence presented.

You should be ready to do the same thing if you are representing yourself. As I heard a magistrate tell one pro se party in a case, “You have to be as competent as a reasonably competent lawyer”.  They cannot give you a break just because you don’t have a lawyer.  This is important to know. Read a little more about that at The 1Thing to Know to Represent Yourself