If you are facing and dreading a divorce, it’s a good idea to keep in mind that every divorce can be a peaceful divorce. The only exception would be a divorce in which there is domestic violence or abuse/neglect of children. By definition a relationship with domestic violence is not even a peaceful or healthy situation, and the divorce process may be a difficult one.
Other people’s experience of divorce
The divorce experience of people we know tends to shape our ideas as to what to expect in our own divorce. For example, if you have relatives or friends who have told you about how difficult or combative their divorce was, then their stories can shape your idea of the divorce process.
You and your spouse can choose a different experience, shaped by your individual perspectives and goals. If you have children, your shared concern for their well-being can shape a different type of divorce –less combative– as you both go your separate ways.
How to have a peaceful divorce
There are steps you can take to work on having a peaceful divorce. Some are things you may need to do, which have nothing to do with the divorce process in the legal system.
Others are things you should know about the process of divorce itself. These include knowing your rights in a divorce and how the process works. When you have knowledge about your rights in a divorce and how the system works, you have a framework to negotiate. This knowledge provides you context for you to be able to navigate the system effectively.
Things you can do
Communication with your spouse is by far the most important thing you can address. I am often contacted by people wanting an uncontested divorce, and yet they have not even discussed divorce with their spouse.
We may dread having the divorce conversation; thinking about it may lead to anxiety. The reality is that in order to have a peaceful divorce, we need to have that conversation, so we need to address the anxiety. Sometimes, it may even surprise you to learn that your spouse feels the same way.
Other things you can do includes thinking about a good timesharing schedule for the children. Discuss a timesharing schedule with your spouse that will work for the entire family, helps the children and yourselves.
Gathering paperwork and financial information is important. This will help in reaching an agreement as to equitable distribution of assets and debt from the marriage.
Things you need to know
You need to know about the real legal process of divorce. The real process of divorce for you will have nothing to do with what you may have heard from other people. It’s also not what you see dramatized in movies.
Divorce court is designed to accomplish a very limited purpose: dissolve your marriage. Part of dissolving your marriage includes making provisions for the well-being of minor children from your marriage, and dividing assets and debt. Divorce court may address alimony issues when either of you may need financial support from the other.
The courts and the Florida divorce laws prefer that you and your spouse reach an agreement as to these things. When you do, your divorce is an uncontested divorce. The only thing you cannot agree to is to waive child support, if you have minor children of the marriage; some provision for child support must be made.
Your ability to work with your spouse to reach an agreement on everything related to your divorce is the real key to a peaceful divorce. It is what will unlock a different divorce experience for you than those you may have heard from others.
When you and your spouse can’t reach an agreement, the path in divorce court is litigation. This includes lots of deadlines to move you along to the ultimate destination: a divorce trial. This path is the most expensive path, involving hourly attorney’s fees and possibly several hearings. Of course, this is the path that makes divorce extremely expensive and tends to cause a lot of emotional turmoil for everyone involved.
Your next steps toward a peaceful divorce
Once you know about the things you can do and learn about the real landscape of divorce, you can take steps toward a peaceful divorce by communicating with your spouse. You can explore options, including getting legal advice. You can also narrow down the issues on which you and your spouse may not readily agree but can work on to reach an agreement.
I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that divorce litigation is not only brutal financially, but also emotionally. Despite what you may hear from anyone else about “winning” a divorce, there are no winners in divorce litigation.
Conclusion
When facing a divorce, we may not realize that our ideas about divorce being a war may be based on the stories of our friends and family. There are steps you can take to make yours a peaceful divorce. These steps include steps you may need to take as well as things you may have to learn about the divorce process and the rights belonging to you, your spouse and your minor children from the marriage, if any. Communication with your spouse will be important. Lastly, litigation might be your last option, when all else fails.
For a specific assessment for your individual divorce situation, consider a case assessment session to explore things you can do and learning about your rights in a divorce. You can also call me at 305-710-9419.
