Category Archives: children and divorce

divorce with children or paternity case

Litigation in a Divorce with Children or Paternity Case

children and divorce, paternity

Litigation in a divorce with children or paternity case deserves special attention.  I’m not talking about legal strategy; I’m referring to the children involved in these cases.

In litigation, it is easy for the needs of children to get lost in the litigation.  It is important to keep the best interest of the children front and center.  This is not easy to do, given the emotional turmoil that a contested divorce or paternity can evoke in each of the parents.

Prior to the litigation, you and the other parent were part of a team, living under the same roof and making joint decisions for your children.  The only thing that changes in that scenario is that you may not be living under the same roof.  You are still parents and can still be an effective team for the sake of your children.  Of course, this is different if there is child abuse or neglect.

What’s in the best interest of your children?

Not surprisingly, family courts have this question in mind front and center when they have divorces with children or paternity cases to resolve.  It is good for you to keep in mind that the divorce and paternity law and, therefore, family judges, prefer that you and the other parent work together to minimize conflict as it relates to the children and to agree as much as possible when it comes to children’s issues.

It is difficult to provide more than a general roadmap as to what is in the best interest of children.  Your family may have issues relating to a child that other families may not have.  Similarly, no one knows your children and their needs better than you do.  This is why courts prefer that you and the other parent work together for their sake, regardless of what other challenges the divorce or paternity case may have.

What Courts Consider when it comes to Children

No matter how much we family lawyers may counsel clients to work with the other parent as to children’s issue, we sometimes still have to try these issues.

The Courts are guided by factors set out in the applicable statute to help them make decisions as to support of the children, parenting by both parents and timesharing by both parents with the children.

Still, you and your family are better off if you can reach an agreement.  Regardless of whether your case is a divorce with children or a paternity case, you and the other parent should be able to agree on issues that directly affect a child.  Again, no one knows your family –your children—as you do.  These statutes are written to provide you, the parent, with as much discretion as is possible, assuming there are no issues of abuse or neglect.

Steps you can take in a divorce with children or a paternity case

There are a few things you can do for your children while in the middle of litigation:

  • Do not discuss details about the divorce or litigation. 
  • Do not restrict your child’s communication with the other parent
  • Do not use a child as messenger between you and the other parent.
  • Do not speak ill about the other parent to a child; and do not let anyone speak ill of the other parent to the child.

Seek professional help or information if your child is having problems adjusting to the new circumstances. A professional can provide you specific advice according to the child’s age

Take the Online Parenting Course Early

As a parent in a family case with children, you are required to take a parenting class.  The idea behind this class is to stabilize the family as they transition from an intact family into, essentially, two families.  This class provides you information that can be a starting point in helping your children deal with what is happening.

Schedule a Case Assessment Session for your divorce or paternity

What is the best timesharing schedule in divorce?

children and divorce, divorce in florida

One of the most frequent questions parents have is about what is the best timesharing schedule in divorce or paternity.  Alternatively, they also want to know what is the timesharing or visitation schedule preferred by family court? 

Sometimes, parents are confused in referring to timesharing as “visitation.”  The term visitation is what was used prior to 2008 when the divorce statutes where amended to do away with designating one parent as the “primary” residential parent, with the other parent having visitation with the children.

When do you need a timesharing schedule?

Timesharing schedules are necessary in divorces with children or in paternity actions.  For the rest of this entry, I refer to timesharing in a divorce, but keep in mind that these provisions would apply to you if yours is a paternity case and not a divorce with children.   A timesharing schedule is essentially mandatory in these cases even if you and the other parent get along fine and there is no disagreement as to how much time—or when—each parent will be spending time with children.

Aside from safeguarding your time with your child in the future, timesharing is part of the child support guidelines.  Timesharing is used to calculate child support, together with both parents’ income.

“Standard” Time-Sharing in Florida

There is no standard timesharing in Florida as such.  All else being equal, the best timesharing you can get is fifty percent of the time with a child.  This assumes that both you and the other parent are equally able to take care of the child when the child is with either of you.  It also assumes that there are no issues of neglect by one parent or the other, and that both parents can schedule around the child’s needs.

The guiding rule is what timesharing will be in the best interest of your children.  If you and the other parent cannot agree on what timesharing schedule will be best for your children, then the statutes provide a set of factors for the court to consider in establishing a timesharing schedule that it will deem in your children’s best interest.

As a result, the best timesharing schedule is the one that works for your family: you, the other parent and, of course, the children.

If you and the other parent are able to agree on a timesharing agreement, the court must approve it.  This is true whether it is a timesharing plan in a divorce or in a paternity case.  Courts and the divorce statutes pertaining to timesharing prefer that you and the other parent enter into an agreement.  Generally, the courts approve the plans, but it is not a guarantee and they always have discretion to reject or modify it.

Please note that it is a myth that the Florida divorce laws give preference to the mother when it comes to timesharing.  This is simply not true. Changes to the timesharing statute now presumes that equal timesharing is in the best interest of the children.

Getting a timesharing schedule together

Depending on whether you and your spouse are able to communicate while contemplating divorce, a good first step is to discuss some preliminary schedules considering your respective work schedules and the children’s schedule.

Once that is in place, it is a lot easier to do a parenting plan as required by law.

If you and your spouse have children and you want to do an uncontested divorce, this service might work for you.  For paternity cases, you can read more on this page or call me at 305-710-9419.

children and divorce

Children and Divorce: How to help your child deal with divorce

children and divorce

If you are like most parents about to get a divorce, you probably want to know how to help your child deal with divorce before you begin the process of divorce.

It’s normal for any child going through a divorce to experience some emotional pain.  These can include feelings of loss, sadness, frustration and possibly abandonment or rejection. As a parent, there are steps you can take to help your child through this difficult time in their life. There are steps you can take to protect them as much as possible from the divorce process itself, as well as the changes that will occur, both now and in the future.

Your initiative can help your children get through the divorce with as little difficulty as possible. Although both parents working together on this goal can make it even easier for the children, there is plenty you can do on your own.

Show Them the Love

Children in a divorce need even more love from parents than they did prior to the divorce. This means frequently telling your children that you love them, think of them often, and will always be there for them. It also means spending some extra one-on-one time with your kids and encouraging them to talk about their concerns or fears if you notice that they seem preoccupied or sad.

Support Them and Make Them Feel Secure

In addition to feeling loved, kids need to feel that they are supported, secure and safe during the divorce.

Often children feel very insecure about their relationship with one or both of the parents.  They may feel that the parent that moves out of the house has rejected them.  If possible, engage the other parent in having a sit-down with you and the children to explain that both parents will still be very involved in their lives.

Talk to the children about the divorce—not the details of your relationship breakup, but about divorce in very general terms.  Children do not need a blow-by-blow of who did what to “cause” the breakup.

It is important to show children your support and commitment to them by being there, and following through on any plans or events you have made with them.

Children may also sense when there are financial worries, especially if money is an issue in the divorce or in the disagreements leading up to the divorce. Assure your children that you have this under control. Children should not feel concern over financial affairs; they need to know that Mom and Dad have this handled.

Avoid Exposing Them to Conflict

Kids should never be exposed to fighting, negative comments about the other parent, or conflict between parents. They need to see that you and the other parent still can work together to be good parents.

High-conflict situations need special attention if you are to make your child feel more secure.  If you have a high-conflict situation, try exchanging the children at a neutral spot like a supermarket or store parking lot, or at a fire station.  It is critical that children not be exposed to the stress and anxiety of parental conflict.

Engage Extended Family

You should take steps to engage your extended families to make sure that they are following the same expectations for providing love, support, and only positive comments. Make sure your extended family understands that it is not ok to speak negatively about the other parent.

If your child feels comfortable talking to other family members about the divorce, you can encourage them to do so.

Set Routines and Schedules

From the beginning, or as soon as possible, set a schedule for children to spend time with both parents. Sticking to the schedule as much as possible allows the children to plan for times with both parents, and to feel a part of both parents’ lives.

Be Consistent

Try to set similar expectations for chores, discipline and daily routines in both Mom’s house and Dad’s house. This is particularly important if you have younger children, as they will adjust to spending time in both homes much quicker if they are consistent.

In addition, being consistent generally provides support for all the other steps you take to make the experience less jarring for the child, helping them feel secure in their day-to-day life.

The above steps provide you a starting point for you to help your child as the divorce unfolds.  You can look for additional help online and through child therapists for children who may need additional help in dealing with the changes brought about by a divorce.  Being alert or sensitive to your child’s emotional state can allow you to help them sooner.

If You Can, Try to do an Uncontested Divorce

lastly, the form of divorce process you choose can go a long way to helping your children. A divorce with litigation usually create acrimony between the parties, which can be senses by the children. To the extent that you and your spouse make an effort to do an amicable, or uncontested divorce, your children will benefit greatly from the minimal conflict of uncontested divorces.