If you’re facing a divorce and are looking for information on the divorce process, your problem will not be lack of information. On the contrary, you will find a flood of information, some helpful, some contradictory, and lots of shared experiences from those whose divorce have been less than satisfactory.
This entry is not about the legal process as such. It is about your role IN that process if you are getting a divorce. I hope you find it useful as you approach your divorce.
The divorce process outside of family court
Over the years, divorce has evolved from a fault-based process, where one of the parties had to be “at fault” in causing the divorce, to one where no one is at fault. The marriage is simply not working. If you want a divorce in Florida, you simply say that the marriage is irretrievably broken.
Even though the phrase “irretrievably broken” does not assign blame to you or your spouse, there are nevertheless plenty of divorcing couples who choose to litigate. These couples keep us divorce attorneys in business, even when we advise on a course that is less litigious. The alternatives is to work on getting it done without much litigation.
Over the years, in an effort to reduce litigation, we have seen mediation and the collaborative process introduced into family law. You can read about mediation here, and about collaborative law here.
If, initially, you and your spouse cannot work things out directly, then you have mediation and collaboration available. If you reach an agreement directly between you and your spouse, or using mediation or collaboration, then your divorce is an uncontested divorce. Mediation and collaboration can be expensive, but not as expensive as litigation.
Where You Fit Into the Process
You, as a party to a divorce, need to realize that you and your spouse are the ones in charge of your divorce from the start. Regardless of which process you choose, the process of divorce itself will be as difficult or as easy as you choose to make it. In a Florida divorce, you can agree, litigate, mediate or collaborate: the choice is still yours.
Divorce is often been described as an emotionally traumatic event in someone’s life, equal to the death of a loved one. In a sense, it is. Much of our emotions about a divorce are directly related to where we are in terms of acceptance. We often don’t think clearly when we are dealing with strong emotions brought about by resistance. It is understandable, then, why we can make our own divorce a difficult one.
But you still have a choice.
What You Can Trust
Whether you choose settlement from the beginning or in the middle of litigation, you have the power to choose. Or, if you choose mediation or collaboration, you have the power to choose.
This is where a process or framework is helpful, because then you can place your trust in the process itself to help you. Except for litigation, in settlement negotiations, whether directly or using mediation or collaboration, you have the ultimate power to decide how to make the divorce process work for you. In litigation, you have very little power; you and your spouse are letting a judge decide for you when you go to trial. .
Your lawyer in any of the three processes is part of your team, keeping you informed as to the process itself and the applicable law; and often providing you a valuable reality check. But you remain in charge. The truth is that if either you or your spouse do not want to end it amicable, you won’t, regardless of the different avenues available to you.
