Litigation in a divorce with children or paternity case deserves special attention.  I’m not talking about legal strategy; I’m referring to the children involved in these cases.

In litigation, it is easy for the needs of children to get lost in the litigation.  It is important to keep the best interest of the children front and center.  This is not easy to do, given the emotional turmoil that a contested divorce or paternity can evoke in each of the parents.

Prior to the litigation, you and the other parent were part of a team, living under the same roof and making joint decisions for your children.  The only thing that changes in that scenario is that you may not be living under the same roof.  You are still parents and can still be an effective team for the sake of your children.  Of course, this is different if there is child abuse or neglect.

What’s in the best interest of your children?

Not surprisingly, family courts have this question in mind front and center when they have divorces with children or paternity cases to resolve.  It is good for you to keep in mind that the divorce and paternity law and, therefore, family judges, prefer that you and the other parent work together to minimize conflict as it relates to the children and to agree as much as possible when it comes to children’s issues.

It is difficult to provide more than a general roadmap as to what is in the best interest of children.  Your family may have issues relating to a child that other families may not have.  Similarly, no one knows your children and their needs better than you do.  This is why courts prefer that you and the other parent work together for their sake, regardless of what other challenges the divorce or paternity case may have.

What Courts Consider when it comes to Children

No matter how much we family lawyers may counsel clients to work with the other parent as to children’s issue, we sometimes still have to try these issues.

The Courts are guided by factors set out in the applicable statute to help them make decisions as to support of the children, parenting by both parents and timesharing by both parents with the children.

Still, you and your family are better off if you can reach an agreement.  Regardless of whether your case is a divorce with children or a paternity case, you and the other parent should be able to agree on issues that directly affect a child.  Again, no one knows your family –your children—as you do.  These statutes are written to provide you, the parent, with as much discretion as is possible, assuming there are no issues of abuse or neglect.

Steps you can take in a divorce with children or a paternity case

There are a few things you can do for your children while in the middle of litigation:

• Do not discuss details about the divorce or litigation. 
• Do not restrict your child’s communication with the other parent
• Do not use a child as messenger between you and the other parent.
• Do not speak ill about the other parent to a child; and do not let anyone speak ill of the other parent to the child.

Seek professional help or information if your child is having problems adjusting to the new circumstances. A professional can provide you specific advice according to the child’s age

Take the Online Parenting Course Early

As a parent in a family case with children, you are required to take a parenting class.  The idea behind this class is to stabilize the family as they transition from an intact family into, essentially, two families.  This class provides you information that can be a starting point in helping your children deal with what is happening.